Perhaps have a cup of coffee, take a shower, meditate or do deep breathing for a few minutes, or simply sit in a quiet dark place for some moments to give yourself the chance to pull together. Once you’ve moved past the initial shock, it’ll be less intimidating to tell the other person but it’s important to acknowledge that it may still be hard.
Don’t ramble or make small talk. This is easier on the person receiving bad news than beating around the bush. Provide the story of what has happened (the narrative) to explain the events. Look the person(s) straight in the eye and calmly tell them what has happened. [2] X Research source
If there has been an accident and someone has died, practice saying so directly, but gently: “I’m so sorry to tell you this; Michael was in a terrible car accident. " Aim to give the person a little time to emotionally prepare for what you might tell them, and after they take a breath to collect themselves, they’ll say, “What happened?” or “How is he?” Then follow up directly with, “I’m so sorry, but he was killed. " If you lost your job, say something like: I’m really sorry to have to say this but the company has been taken over by a bigger network. Then you follow up with, And I have unfortunately been made redundant.
It’s insensitive to blast personal or sensitive information all over social media, for example, just because you know something. If the news relates to a death or other serious circumstance, give the family and close friends time to call or visit people personally before you jump in and get involved.
Turn off all electronic distractions such as the TV, radio, music, etc. Pull the blind or curtains if this will improve privacy but don’t shut out too much light if it’s daytime. Shut the door or pull across a screen or other item to create a private space for the two of you. If you think it would be helpful, have a family member or friend also accompany you.
In other words, delivering bad news as a person is coming in the door from a day of work or school, or after you’ve just had a huge row with your partner is not likely to be the best of times. While there is not “good” time to tell bad news, there is a point to waiting until a person is not in the middle of arriving or similar. If the news is of such import and urgency that it can’t wait for a “better time,” just take a deep breath and break in to whatever is going on with something like, “I need to speak with you, Jane, and I’m afraid it can’t wait. " The sense of urgency can also be imparted over the phone, but it is helpful to ask if it’s possible to meet up quickly so that you can share the news face-to-face. If this isn’t possible, or if the person really needs to know now, you’re best asking the recipient if they’re sitting down as you need to tell them something unpleasant. If you’re worried about how they might cope alone, also suggest that they have someone else in the vicinity for support.
Things to look for include whether the other person already seems to have an inkling that something bad is up, the presence of fear, anxiety, or worry, and whether or not this news is going to come from “out of the blue” (like a death in a car accident) or is something inevitable although not yet faced (like failure of a cancer treatment). Consider what the bad news is. How bad is it? Are you trying to tell someone that their cat died, or that you lost your job? Has a family member or close friend died? If the bad news relates to you (such as you losing your job) the effects will be different than if the problem relates to them (such as their cat dying).
You can use phrases such as: “I have some sad news to tell you”, “I’ve just received a call from the hospital: there has been an accident and. . . “; or “I’ve been talking to your specialist and. . . “, “There is no easy way to say this but. . . " or “There’s some really bad news you need to know. . . " etc. [7] X Research source
Make the connection between the identification of the emotions and the cause, and make it clear to the recipient that you get the connection. Do this by acknowledging their response, such as “This is a clearly a terrible shock” or “I can see that you’re really upset and angry about what has happened”, and so forth. Doing this lets the person know you get their pain or other reaction and that you’ve tied it to the news you’ve just relayed, without passing any judgment, making any assumptions, or trying to minimize their emotions.
When comforting the person, keep in mind social and cultural conventions to avoid making the situation worse.
Perhaps you can offer to take the recipient somewhere, such as visiting a hospital, gathering belongings, seeing a counselor, going to the police, or whatever is needed. Make it plain what is likely to happen next, especially with relation to your own involvement. If you’re a doctor delivering bad news about treatment, for example, you might outline the next steps for the patient continuing to visit you. Simply letting the person know when you’ll be around or back again to check on them can be a help in and of itself. Whatever promises you make to assist the person who has received bad news, be sure to follow through on what you’ve said you’ll do. [11] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Give the person your time where possible, and be accepting of their need to grieve where relevant.
