They might not always say the right thing, but are willing to listen to you if you are struggling. They make you feel comfortable being yourself around them. They support you. They keep in contact with you all the time and not just when they want something. They stick around during the hard times, not just the fun times. They care about your well-being and safety.
Talk about you behind your back. Use you to climb up a particular social chain. Use you to get close to someone you are close to. Copy your work or use your intelligence. Try to get some sort of information from you. Only talk to you when they need something. Embarrass you or make you feel humiliated in public.
This may be a good alternative option to take if you feel like there is no strong reason you don’t get along. Especially, if it’s just that you have developed different interests and different groups of friends.
If you think they are trying to copy your work, make it impossible for them by moving your seat or not letting them see your work. [6] X Research source If you believe they are using you to get to someone else, keep contact with the person while the fake friend isn’t around. If they only call you when they want something, deny whatever their request is. You could even tell them that you won’t be able to fulfill their request in the future either. For example, “Jenny, I know I’ve been giving you rides to work for the past month, but I’m not able to do that anymore. ”
Try to avoid outright ignoring them or giving them the “silent treatment. ” Those are perceived as immature and will likely cause an angry reaction from the fake friend and drama with any mutual friends you have.
School counselors have added experience in dealing the relationships and friendships in a school setting that you might find helpful.
Avoid breaking up with them over the phone. The only way this is acceptable is if you cannot see the person face to face for a long time, or if you are concerned about violent behaviors or your safety. Don’t end your friendship with them over text or e-mail. It sends the wrong message about you as a person and how you deal with your friends. Additionally, it risks more misunderstandings in communication. [12] X Research source
Make the request simple and straightforward. Try “Hey, I think we should talk. When would be good for you?”
Have the conversation in a private place. It can potentially be a very emotional time and that shouldn’t have to occur somewhere where you could draw an audience. Make sure you are both calm and that you are not having the conversation right before something very important such as a test or a performance review at your job. Keep a time limit in mind and avoid meeting somewhere, like over a meal, where you could potentially get stuck for longer than you would like.
Make sure you are clear in your communication with your friend. There should not be any doubt in their minds about what you were trying to say after meeting with you. Be firm about what you want and what you don’t want in your friendships, and in this friendship going forward. Be thorough and make sure you are communicating everything you want to say and everything you feel during this conversation. Planning this out will help you avoid the instance of “I should have said this!” later on. When planning what you are going to say, find a good balance between being honest, and being kind. Try to avoid blaming or being unnecessarily mean to your soon-to-be-ex friend.
Start the conversation by acknowledging that this is difficult. “This is going to be really hard to say, and probably hard to hear. ” Get to the point as quickly as possible. “I’ve been really unhappy in our friendship, and I don’t think it is a good idea for us to be friends anymore. ”
If your boyfriend cheated on you with your friend, “I feel like I cannot trust you, and I’m hurt that someone who considered themselves my friend would do that to me. ” If they constantly make fun or you, or make you feel bad about yourself, “I feel like spending time with you is not healthy for me and my self-esteem because of some of the things you say about me. ”
Explain to them that you have an appreciation for the good times you have had together. [15] X Research source “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. I’ll always keep those good memories close to my heart. Like that time we. . . ” Split the blame, if you can. “I don’t know, maybe we are just not compatible as friends. Or maybe I wasn’t the best friend I could have been either. ”
Avoid getting into an argument with them at this point. If they respond with anger, they are likely to begin to say hurtful things to you or to try and blame you. Don’t engage with them, simply tell them “I’m sorry you feel that way. ”
If they react with anger and begin raising their voice, don’t engage with them and instead say, “I’d like to talk to you about this calmly, but if you continue to yell at me I’m going to leave. ” If they react with sadness, allow some time to continue to talk and then when they are calm again try saying, “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me. I’m sorry this worked out this way. ” If they are apologetic, see how you feel and consider whether or not you might want to try to repair the friendship. If you need some time to process what they say, tell them that. “I need some time to think about what you said. Can we talk again tomorrow?”
If you have mutual friends, suggest that maybe you two should only hang out in groups. If you would prefer to never have contact with them again, than that is fine too. Let them know that you would prefer they do not contact you going forward. If it is a toxic friendship, make sure for your own health you make a clean break with no contact. [17] X Research source [18] X Research source
Constant texts, calls, emails, or social media messages. They may say mean things about you to others or try to turn mutual friends against you. Making fun of you or gossiping about you. Making you feel as though you are responsible for their choices or behavior.
One good way to deal with the emotions is to write about them. Spend some time writing all the things you are thinking and feeling about the break up, and why those might be coming up for you. Journaling about what you are going through will help you identify how you feel as well as help you process through the emotions and constructively get them out. Suppressing and avoiding your emotions will only make you feel worse in the long run. It’s important to acknowledge how you’re feeling and express that in a healthy way. [23] X Expert Source Amy ChanRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
Try something like, “I know you and Ashley are friends and since you and I are also friends, I just wanted to let you know what happened. Ashley and I are not friends any longer. We talked about it and I think we each got to say what we needed to say. I’m only telling you this because I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it, or put in the middle. ”
