Depressed Lonely Shameful Guilty Isolated or trapped Anxious Fearful for your safety or the safety of your children Suicidal If you are having suicidal thoughts, call 911 immediately or go to your nearest emergency room.
Think about the other people in your life. How often do you see them? When you lose your support network, it can seem harder for you to escape a damaging relationship.
For example, he may say that you shouldn’t drive your car because the car might break down. But he won’t help you get the car fixed to make it safe.
When communicating assertively, people in healthy relationships communicate openly and honestly. This means also that healthy couples can share their feelings with the other person, not have a need to be right all the time, and listen to each other in a loving, open, and nonjudgmental way.
Healthy couples don’t play the “blame game. ” Each person takes responsibility for his or her behavior, thinking, and emotions. Each takes control of his or her own happiness and destiny. Both partners also take responsibility for when they make mistakes and do what’s necessary to make it up to the other partner. For example, apologizing is a good start.
An example of gaslighting is when your boyfriend recounts an action from the past but he changes some of the details. On the whole, it seems accurate, but the minor details are used to put him in the right and to put you in the wrong If your partner has been gaslighting for a long time, it can be difficult to determine if it’s happening. You may not trust your judgement and you may have very low self-esteem. Think back to instances where you felt disbelief about the way your boyfriend recounted an event. You may have felt that he definitely remembered things wrong. This might be an example of the start of gaslighting in your relationship.
Possessive behavior is a form of emotional abuse, but it can be accompanied by other forms of abuse.
“Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you. ”[9] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source Denying you the right to meet your basic needs, such as food and sleep. Breaking your belongings or things in your home, such as throwing dishes or punching holes in the walls. Threatening you with a knife or gun, or uses a weapon on you. Physically barring you from leaving, calling 911 for help, or going to the hospital. Physically abusing you or your children. Kicking you out of your car and leaving you in strange places. Driving aggressively and dangerously while you are in the car. Making you drink alcohol or take drugs.
An abuser may control the way you dress, rape you, purposely give you a sexually transmitted disease, drug you or get you drunk to have sex with you, make you pregnant or terminate your pregnancy against your will, make you view pornography, and so on.
Abusers also might move into your home and not contribute to paying any of the bills or expenses. They might also withhold money for your basic needs, such as prescriptions or groceries.
If your boyfriend is possessive enough that you’ve become isolated, trapped, depressed, anxious, or fearful, then it’s most likely that you should leave the relationship.
Rally this person’s support. Talk to this person to discuss your strategy for leaving the relationship.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline also has a website (www. thehotline. com) where you can chat with someone online except for 2:00 a. m. to 7:00 a. m. Central Time. The staff will help you determine what your safest course of action is at this time. They also have a list of 4,000 safehouses around the United States. They can help locate one for you and your children if need be.
There are personalized safety plans available online, such as this worksheet from the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence. Print out this form and fill it out. Store this worksheet in a safe place where your boyfriend can’t find it. [12] X Research source
Your first priority is to keep yourself (and your children and pets if you have them) safe.
If you think he will get violent, you should just leave the situation without an in-person explanation. You can leave a note if you feel it’s necessary. If you have children or pets, take them with you.
You can give some specific examples of how he disrespects you, isolates you, or controls you.
If he threatens that he’ll hurt himself if you leave, you need to ignore him. His actions are his own responsibility. He is using guilt to try manipulating you into staying. You need to ensure your own safety first. [14] X Research source
Tell the police about any physical abuse you experienced. Describe what happened in detail and show where you were hurt. Have the police take photos of the marks right away, as well as the next day when bruising shows up. These photos can be used in court. Ask for the officers’ names and badge numbers. Get a report or case number as well, in case you need a copy of the report. The police might arrest your boyfriend if they determine that you are unsafe.
Delete his number from your phone. Unfriend him on social media. You may want to change your phone number. If you feel that he is following you around or spying on you, change up your routines. Leave for work or school at a different time and take a different route. If you don’t feel safe, think about getting a personal protection order.
Keep a detailed record of any contact that your boyfriend makes. If your boyfriend continues to get in touch with you or stalk you, write down the times, places and details of what happened. This can be used to get a personal protection order if you need one.
You might look to feel safe physically by taking a self-defense class. You might begin to feel safe from financial abuse by getting a job and building up your savings account.
Identify qualities you want in a partner. After an abusive relationship, take time to figure out your priorities for a successful and healthy relationship. Put yourself as a priority.
