Be respectful about timing as well. As much as you can, try to avoid holidays, birthdays, anniversaries of a loved one’s death, or important career events. Although it can be tempting to break up with someone over the phone and avoid the pain or discomfort of doing it in person, try to avoid this method as much as possible. Meeting with someone in person shows them that you respect and care for them, gives the relationship some closure, and can help you avoid miscommunications. Try to think about how you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed.
Avoid loud, crowded spaces, such as parties or bars. Some good neutral spaces include parks and restaurants. Choose an open, public place if you’re worried about your safety. You can also ask a friend to come along and hang out nearby in case you need help.
Reflection is the best way to process your emotions and prepare for the breakup itself, rather than jumping right in without giving it any thought and talking in circles. For example, you may want to break up because your partner easily becomes clingy and jealous. Maybe you’ve lost the spark and don’t feel attracted to them anymore, or maybe your ideas about money, family, or religion are incompatible.
If you find yourself ignoring your partner’s calls or pulling away from them physically, think about why you feel that way. Instead of acting distant, you may need to have a serious conversation about ending the relationship.
For example, you could say, “I love spending time with you, but ultimately, I want to get married someday. I know you don’t believe in marriage, so I think it’s best if we end things now. ”[4] X Research source If you don’t have a very concrete reason, try to center your reasons around the relationship, rather than them as a person. For example, you could say “We seem to have very different goals now” or “Our values just don’t match up. ”
You could say “I’m so glad I met you. Because of you, I’ve learned how to open up to others” or “I’m so grateful for our time together, and I’ll never forget it. ” If you haven’t been dating for very long, you could mention one of their character traits that you appreciate. For example, you could say, “Your sense of positivity has shown me that I really value that quality in others. ”
For example, instead of saying “You never came with me to any family dinners,” try changing it to “I felt lonely and frustrated when I had to go to family dinners alone. ”
This may also mean deleting their number from your phone, unfollowing and unfriending them, and deleting photos of the two of you. If you’re worried about seeming cruel or cold, let the person know that this is something you’ll need following the breakup.
Don’t turn to alcohol or drugs to make yourself feel better. In the end, these things can actually make the healing process more difficult.
