Tell them you are feeling unhappy in the relationship and need some space to think and rid yourself of anger. It might take a firm tone to get this request across but do so and expect the other respects you enough to give you the time to think. Don’t set aside a week to think and then hang out with them the next day. Distance yourself completely. Don’t make or accept phone calls or texts. Don’t see them, or if you can’t avoid that, don’t give them too much of your time. Make this time all about you, even if you miss them. If you miss them too much, try to put it into perspective. Make a pros and cons list. Make a list of what you require out of a relationship. Make a list of what you like about this person and what you dislike. Talk to your friends, go out, and don’t change your Facebook status until, you’re sure.
Did you ask for changes to behavior that was hurting or upsetting you? Only to find that nothing came of it. Did you offer a reasonable cause of action for them to follow but they neglected to even try? In such cases, they’ve disrespected you and have shown no intention to shape up. Do you feel that your boundaries are always crossed? Do you feel resentful all the time because you feel as if you’re the one giving up or giving in just to maintain the peace? That’s not a relationship, it’s you are being taken advantage of. Do you feel suffocated or stifled because this person is always clinging to you, hanging around, checking up on your or acting as if they can’t trust you? Do you feel that you can’t spend time with friends or other people out of fear of upsetting or angering your boyfriend or girlfriend? Can you spend time alone, just in solitude without them barging in? Clinging, jealous or people who lack trust don’t make for good relationships. Until they deal with their low trust issues, they are going to make any relationship feel squeezed. Do you consider that you’re being taken advantage of? Did your partner say they’d change, then refused to do so? In this case, you’ll likely find that this becomes a repeated pattern, with you being used all the time. Are you taking care of yourself, of your own needs? Or is it all about him or her all of the time? Are you transforming yourself just to fit in with their needs and preferences? If this is the case, it’s not healthy for you and you’ll fail to blossom fully into the person you really are.
That said, don’t let guilt change your mind. If you want to break up, if you can’t see it working anymore, don’t let the guilt of hurting them hurt you more. You must take care of yourself first.
“I have had a long think about the possibility of us staying together and I just can’t see us together in the future. I don’t see us sharing the same interests, I don’t see us following the same trajectory. I really have thought hard about this because I do care about you, but I just don’t consider that we’re compatible enough to stay together as a couple. "
They cry a great deal. This is hard and hugging is okay but nothing more intimate. Don’t give in––tears are cathartic and a great form of release, so this is good for them even though it seems awful at the time. Reassure them that they’ll be okay because they will be. They may get angry and shout and call you names. Stay calm and focused on why this is over. Say things such as “I am sorry you feel so upset, I know this isn’t easy, but it is over”, or “I can understand why you’re angry, but anger won’t mend what is already broken. " In some cases, it’s best to say nothing more than “Let’s discuss this when you feel less upset. We can’t decide anything while you’re feeling this way. " They may express relief. This may surprise you, but many people know when the breakup is about to happen, they’ve sensed it, they know it’s on the cards, especially if you’ve already asked for time out to think. And in that time, they may have reached their own conclusion that it’s not worth persevering but didn’t want to be the one to initiate the breakup. Don’t respond as if you’re disappointed with their relief––this is a good outcome for both of you!
Your partner may keep on saying over and over: “I just don’t understand why you’d do this to me. " At this point, you can gently let them know that you’re not doing it to hurt them, that it is about you realizing that you cannot be a part of a relationship that isn’t feeling right to you, that it’s about your feelings of incompatibility. Help them to understand that this isn’t an act directed at them personally, that they’re still a terrific person who deserves a relationship with someone who matches them precisely.
If they keep sending you texts, emails, messages, notes, whatever, then do not respond. It will only give a persistent person hope that there is an opening to get back together again. If they make use of friends, family, and anyone else to get to you, tell such people firmly that you still care about the well-being of this person but that the intimate relationship aspect is definitely over and that you’d appreciate these people not trying to fix what is essentially your own personal life and choices. If there are children involved, communicate strictly only about the needs of the children. Continue to see your children or share access to them without entering into discussions about your former love life with your partner. Do not use or allow your partner to use the children as go-between messengers. Remember—it’s very, very normal to feel sad, depressed, or anxious after a breakup. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist to get support and talk about your feelings. [8] X Research source [v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019. Putting a support system in place is vital to your healing process. [9] X Expert Source Kate DreyfusHolistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.
Even though it feels very intense, you will get through this period and be able to feel good again (and even fall in love)![14] X Research source [v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019. Try creating a new routine to support your new life chapter—this can help you feel safe, grounded, empowered, and like you’re moving forward and rebuilding your life. [15] X Expert Source Kate DreyfusHolistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 22 November 2021. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Accepting that the relationship has ended is an important part of creating closure, healing, and peace. It also puts you in a position where you can start opening up to the possibility of what’s next. [17] X Expert Source Kate DreyfusHolistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.
